Fashion Priest

In the name of the Prada, the SmythSon and the label Ghost, welcome to the Church Of Chic - where we worship the Fashion Saints and condemn the Style Sinners. I am the Fashion Priest, God’s sartorial emissary on Earth. I will hear your Confashions and make you repent your style sins. I will then decide whether you ascend to Fashion Heaven or are sent straight to Style Hell.

I am the secret lovechild of the Holy Trinity: Karl Lagerfeld, John Galliano and Madonna. The front row is my altar. My vestry is totes like backstage at the shows. This season, I’m colour-blocking in black, accessorized with a white collar, statement gold crucifixes and red velvet slippers. Blessed are the chic.

I put the shop into bishop and the Christian into Louboutin. I’m less missionary, more Missoni, but will offer you absolution fabulous. My patron saint is Saint Martins, while my disciples include Vicar-toria Beckham, the Virgin Mary Katrantzou, Giles Archdeacon and Gareth Pew. My favourite book of the fashion bible is The Gospel According To Marc (Jacobs, natch). My favourite hymns? In The Bleak Mid-Wintour and Amazing Grace Coddington.

Over the next three weeks, I will be leading prêt-a-prayers, giving you thoughts for the day (like daily bread but without the carbs, obv) and delivering a daily sermon. Amen. And mwah, my child.

Repent Your Confashion To Win A £500 Winter Wardrobe! Click here to find out more.