The Only Way Is Essex: Oi! Leave Poor Gemma Alone!
It was comedy night in Essex, as Ricky hosted an open mic session at his club, and it certainly wasn't tricky spotting who the joke was on throughout the latest helping of TOWIE.
Poor old Gemma suffered indignity after indignity. Not feeling her best after finding herself with nowhere to live, she headed to a hotel, pink suitcase in hand. Here, those kind producers kicked a girl while she was down by making her the subject of an extreme close-up as she indulged in a spot of comforting eating, washing down a load chicken wings with a large pizza.
Later, at the comedy night, after committing the cardinal sin of not clapping a Bobby Eyebrows' limerick that was about as funny as a dose of chemotherapy, Gemma ended up on the receiving end of a tirade from the would-be poet. Bobby accused her of wearing a wig, dissed her diet club as a fat camp and rounded things off, most shockingly, by comparing his former mate to Vanessa Feltz. The indignity.
All very nasty and the fact that the moronic Arg - whose own attempt at stand-up resembled someone having a fit - has once again been designated Gemma's knight in shining armour only heaps insult on top of injury.
Elsewhere the comedy theme was catching on, as Tom took Abi out for a spot of night fishing for their first date. He did the decent thing and cracked the gag about how she must be used to handling big rods just so I didn't have to. Thanks Tom. Billie was also up for a laugh, telling Joey and her sister Sam an utterly filthy gag which I won't repeat to spare blushes all round. What I will tell you is that when the answer is Kermit the Frog's finger, you really don't want to know the question.
Danny's mate Jack took Billie's dirty example and ran with it, doing perhaps the most desperate thing I've ever seen a human being do on TV. And yes, I did watch that bloke drink his own wee on What Happens in Kavos. Jack, in his wisdom (what's the opposite of infinite?), decided to get a small image of a camel tattooed onto one of his toes.
He told Danny he would use the tattoo to pick up girls, backing it up with the killer chat-up line, "Do you want to see my camel toe? Show me yours first". It's the kind of cunning plan that even Baldrick would have rejected on the grounds of stupidity.
Picture the scene in decades to come when his grandchildren spot him relaxing at home with his socks off. "Grandad, why have you got a camel on your toe?" Jack the Lad will have some explaining to do.
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