In all my 23 years the closest I’ve come to a nip slip is… er, I don’t think I’ve ever come even remotely close to be honest. So what’s the deal with all these celebrities giving us the ol’ boob-aroo on a regular basis? If I were famous I would definitely make 100% sure my nipples were safely tucked away at all times with no chance of jumping out and waving hello to the cameras.
After Kerry Katona suffered the mother of all slippery nipples during the Reunion gig in London on Tuesday (and then Mariah Carey got all jealous and got her's out at the So So Def 20th anniversary concert) I feel compelled to share my ‘How To Keep Your Celeb Nipples Inside Your No Doubt Expensive Clothes’ tips.
1. Wear a bra
I know it’s a bit controversial to suggest a celebrity actually don a bra, but seriously it really does help keep those puppies at bay. Strap ‘em up and they won’t go a’wondering.
2. Avoid bustiers
Yeah they’re sexy (debatable) and make even the smallest of chests look mahusive, but they have a tendency to push those boobs up, up and out. Hello nip slip!
3. Baggy vests are a no go
Unless you're at the beach and want something to throw on top of your bikini, baggy vests are slap bang in the middle of the nip slip danger zone. If you MUST wear one refer back to point number one.
4. Double sided-tape
Boob tape was invented for a reason. Use it.
5. Bring back the polar neck
OK, eeww, but if it combats nipple-gate for good I’ll be glad to whip out that itchy polar neck my gran knitted for me, I could even ask her to make one especially for Kerry.
6. Don't follow by Madonna's example
That’s all there is to it. So heed my advice Miss Katona, and Mariah, and Nicki Minaj and all these other celebs who blatantly ignored my rules and regulations: