Saints And Sinners: Angelic Attire And Sinful Style

Posted: 11/10/12 | Updated: 11/10/12

The Fashion Priest
The Fashion Priest

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And for the final instalment of holy/unholy fashion, The Fashion Priest has selected some truly eye-watering fashion faux pas worthy of your opprobrium as well as an equal number of wardrobe wonders to soothe your enraged eyeballs! Click in and see what we mean...

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SINNER: Uma Thurman
Oh dear, seems that Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep. Except its not sheep she's lost, its taste. Terribly catty I know, but dear congregation, let this look be a reminder that there is nothing funny about a milkmaid on the red carpet.
SAINT: Diane Von Furstenberg
Oh! Classic DVF, a true fash relic. Tis a dying wish of your Fashion Priest to have a right old rummage around Ms. F's closet. She once caught me sneaking around her bedroom when I "got lost on the way back from the loo" and I've never lived it down.
SINNER: Liv Tyler
Quick, hand me my exorcism (fingerless) gloves. The devil is at work here, spawn of Satan! This look is halfway between the mental institution and hell.
SAINT: Sophia Loren
Sophia has always been my 'waist' idol. I once got to an 18-inch circumference while studying at the Vatican in 1965. Then I discovered Carbonara. Ms. Loren and I would stroll the cobbled streets of Rome, drinking espressos and discussing corsetry. Bella Vita.
SINNER: Selma Blair
Selma, take a tip from the Pulpit of Panache, from me to you. One's gown should never resemble a wall hanging. Or a fishing net. Or a blood clot. Effort points for the pixie crop though.
SAINT: Claudia Schiffer
No words are needed here 'tis so fabulous but I'll oblige you anyhow. My first port of call will be the double bow bandeau. It is pure perfection. The real star here, however, is the high pony teemed with the fur trim. It is all slightly askew in that perfectly balanced way, 90's fashion at its best. Claudia too.
SINNER: Celine Dion
This look makes me so sad. It reminds me of that time I woke up late for Mass and put my cassock on backwards and no one told me. Instead, they just took pictures of me and told me how fierce I looked. That day, I was Celine. Let us pray.
SAINT: Linda Evangelista
I play favorites. And Linda is just that. Perhaps it is that perfect fash snarl or perhaps it's that she is the ultimate Evangelist(a.) Regardless, this outfit is pure copper brilliance. The 60's flip hair do paired with the sequined playsuit. I die.
SINNER: Lara Flynn Boyle
There is something all of my fashion faves (and moi) have in common, and that is complete and utter (self-deluded) confidence. This look just screams 'I don't know who/where I am.' Finally, after years of one-on-one fashion counselling with yours truly, she is making progress. Slowly.
SAINT: Brigitte Bardot
Biker Brigitte is a classic select from the annals. I once tried to squeeze into those leathers and got stuck about a quarter of the way in. Had to be cut out of them and nearly lost circulation to my feet. Be safe out there my dears, fierce fashion is no laughing matter.