Fashion Priest: Saints And Sinners

Posted: 28/09/12 | Updated: 28/09/12

The Fashion Priest
The Fashion Priest

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Fashion Priest picks out another batch of stylish saints and sartorially challenged sinners for your inspection - click on, disciples!

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SAINT: Lana Del Ray
Oh GAD! This woman can do no wrong! Having the Rockabilly hipster chic down to a capitol T, here she takes down sexy ghetto hipster look with ease. GAGGING over the button up print shirt with Versace bling and full pimp daddy coat to boot. Matched with the flowing auburn locks del Rey has done it again. I now am officially a true believer.
SINNER: Britney Spears
Saints preserve us. Britney is clearly as embarrassed wearing this ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ Child Catcher outfit as we are looking at it. The tie-die medieval coat and giant dangle choker combo puts her forever in my Fashphemy Black Book.
SAINT: James Dean
After you’ve picked yourself off the floor, let us take a moment to appreciate the mammoth influence JD has had on hearts and styles since he moodily slumped onto the silver screen. No man has ever made a pair of high waisted Lee jeans look so good and if you’re gonna even attempt to wear a short leather jacket, collar up and piercing gaze s'il vous plait.
SINNER: Lil' Kim
After a long career as a hip-hop legend, Kim spent a short spell in jail and, even worse, on Dancing with the Stars. Seeing the error of her ways she clearly decided a stint as the character Skankelupaguson on Sesame’s Ghetto Street was the way forward. More astounding than the snot green furry monster jacket or Pat Evans wig is how in the name of God did she pulled those fishnet stockings so high!
SAINT: Christina Aguilera
As always with Aggie, my mind says no but my fashion soul says yes. A giant blonde afro wig with a slashed velvet tassel dress should have us running for the hills. Yet like an eclipse of the sun I can't look away! Conclusion: If Ci Ci is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
SINNER: Boy George
Do you really want to hurt me with this outfit Boy George? The Mario Bros hat and cobweb trim jacket with velour blue trainers are making my eyes bleed. The ‘Blue Steel’ on crack face adds an additional dimension of fashion car crash to our beloved Karma Chameleon. May Lagerfeld have mercy on your fashion faux pas soul.
SAINT: Rooney Mara
Mara has been the ‘silent but deadly’ red carpet sensation since kicking Swedish ass in ‘Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’. Here she is looking typically Queen of the Nightesque in Schiaparelli And Prada with that rotten chopped up bob safely slicked back for some classic glam. She’s also showing her fellow Hollywood ladies how a high slit is done right - you reading this Angelina?
SINNER: Cindy Lauper
How did a picture of a circus clown get in here. No wait… Cindy Lauper? Where did it all go wrong Cindy!? You're makin' me cry! Green colossal shoulder puff dress with matching green lipstick. May God have mercy. She looks like an evil witch or Poison Ivy gone horribly wrong. Lauper, you definitely have your true colors shining through here and me no likey.
SAINT: 2NE1
Don’t be fooled by your kneejerk reaction of to turn away, these K-Pop fashionistas are gonna take over the word. Let’s break it down: Bart woolen skirt with leather pants? Furry boa with braids? Rainbow brick wall dress with uber long locks? Giant unicorn accessory with matching hair? Yes, yes, yes and yes! Start brushing up on your Korean.
SINNER: Bjork
Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of this Icelandic nutter - Swan Dress - but this disgusting black sewer serpent ensemble looks like she’s fallen into the garbage pit in Star Wars. It also looks like she rubbed her head across a hairdresser’s floor at the end of a long day. It looks like she is being chocked to death by her own shambolic creation. Let us pray.