Saints And Sinners: Fabulous Fashion And Fugly Faux Pas From Yesteryear

Posted: 20/09/12 | Updated: 20/09/12

The Fashion Priest
The Fashion Priest

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The saints and sinners of decades past have been singled out for praise and censure by Fashion Priest - take a look at whose sartorial skill is beyond reproach and whose should be "destroyed with nuclear missiles"!

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SAINT: Princess Diana
Two words. Pearl Choker. The accessory that could. This season, I shall be teeming one with my strapless cassock and a simple black pump. Princesses & Priests know best.
SINNER: Dannii Minogue
Oh look, somebody has gift wrapped Dannii. But it's a gift nobody wants. They've also used cheap wrapping paper from Clintons. I'm guessing Ms D didn't pick up any silverware that evening. Dear Lord!
SAINT: Elizabeth Taylor
Some might say sitting round an apartment in your neglige swigging gin in the afternoon is not the path to enlightenment. I am not one of those people. Blessed are the chic.
SINNER: Beyonce
Your destiny, my child, was not to wear a jacket with fluff detailing on it. Nor is this your finest boot[y]cut call: hideous blue jeans.
SAINT: Kate Moss
The world turns, the seasons change, yet Kate Moss will always be my cheeky fashion cherub. I remember her 30th birthday. The beautiful and the damned. We sang hallelujahs, drank 'poo, smoked like chimneys. She vomited on my cassock.
SINNER: Natalie Portman
Erm, somebody seems to have replaced Ms Portman with a P.E. Teacher. Off to the changing rooms for you, my child.
SAINT: Madonna
Is it a little nepotistic to include my mother? I don't care. I'd still suckle at those JPG cones anytime. Totes Amazing Grace.
SINNER: Cheryl Cole
Sweet B'Jesus, I didn't know Cheryl had featured in Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Is her horse and cart just out of shot? I have it on good authority that Will.i.am has since made a jacket out of that skirt.
SAINT: Audrey Hepburn
The epitome of a fashion saint and here she has the wimple (Chanel) to prove it. The crucifix is Theo Fennell. Amen, and m'wah, my child. You are my guiding light.
SINNER: Sarah Jessica Parker
The 80s. a godless style-sinful decade. Somewhere, beneath the dungarees and Barry White's borrowed blazer is, I am assured, the angelic SJP. All i can say is the power of fashion faith to transform the style sinner is nowhere better demonstrated. The CND badge is admirable, yet it shouldn't prevent this look being destroyed with nuclear missiles.