Votive Prayers: On Trend Orisons To Salve Your Conscience

Posted: 14/09/12 | Updated: 14/09/12

The Fashion Priest
The Fashion Priest

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Feeling like you might have accidentally sinned over the course of the fashion week craziness? Then why not check through Fashion Priest's daily prayers for a little something to salve your conscience...

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On the sixth day, God created man. And on the seventh day, God created 7 For All Mankind. Amen.
Holy Father, when there was no room at the inn, why didn’t Joseph and Mary throw a massive strop, demand to be upgraded to a suite and screech: “Don’t you know who I am?” I would’ve done. Amen.
I know you love all animals, so please forgive me for my snake, croc and calfskin accessories, and the real furs which I pretend are fake. Also, what’s the difference between shearling and sheepskin? And which is more chic? Please send me a sign. Amen.
Dear Lord, please provide me with thin, handsome but mute cab drivers who’ll ferry me between shows without distracting me while I do important work in the back - mainly berating interns, Tweeting inanely and checking the Mail Online sidebar of shame on my Blackberry. Amen.
O Lord, how I wish for an extensive, expensive shoe collection neatly stored in their original boxes with Polaroids stuck to the front and a computerized wardrobe system like Cher’s in the classic text Clueless. Hear me, fashion God. Amen.
Dear Lord, please send me a sign that the burning bush in the Bible was not a Mulberry one. Amen.
The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord. And a goodie bag with mini Champers, obv. Amen.
In the name of the Prada, the Smyth Son and the label Ghost. Amen.
Please let get snapped by a street style blog in my new Wayfarers today, Lord, or perhaps spotted by the Style Hunter spread of Grazia. I've worked really hard to look this chic. Amen.
Hear my prayer and please change the spelling of Hardy Amies to the more correct Hardy Amaze. Amen.
In the name of the Prada, the Smyth Son and the label Ghost. Amen.
God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, such as clothes purchases without a receipt and the tags removed. Amen.
Sweet God, please protect me from the seven deadly style sins: jeggings, legwarmers, Uggs, hoodies, shellies, Scrunchies and VPL, including visible thong with tramp-stamp. For these are the wicked ways of the plebs, provincials and civilians. Amen.
Dear Lord. Is it true we are forbidden from worshipping golden calves? And if so, should I stop fake-tanning the back of my legs? Amen.
Please grant me many spendy designer bags. More clutches than a car factory. More baguettes than a French bakery. More totes than a fashionista's Twitter feed. Amen
The Lord is my leopard print; I shall not want. Who am I kidding? Totes want! Amen.
Grant me the strength to carry off this season's hat trend. As Prince sang: "She wore a Burberry beret, the kind you find in a Brompton Road store." Amen.
Dear Father. You know I'd go to church more often if I could but there's shows on Sundays at Fashion Week. And when it's not Fashion Week, I've usually got a gorgeous brunch or amaze yoga class instead. I know you'll understand. Drop me an email and we'll get a time in the diary soon. Amen.